make-up party!

Yes!! I missed agian--an opportunity for crazily messing up and then suddenly disappearing.

There always exists un evil intention deep in my heart, but it is passing like a ray, too fast to chase; like a flash, too short to be true. Although I want, it's impossible to come true cause I hardly to see its real appearance. The only thing that I'm quite sure and am proud of is being a person without solid essence. Vividly like a mirror, I project everyone's lute, desire and dream. The perfect transparence, like a shining star in a blurred dark sky, stares at your terrors and horrors. Then appears as a brutal monster, hungry for a long while, hunting down the moon. Its favorite sacrifice is lonliness and silence. As a resident in the endless nightmare, it hopes for transfer. Yes. That's the way I catch your eyes and your attention, through the emerging curiosity, sorry but you're already a victime.

Imagine as angel not totally pure, he can travel from the paradise and the dust. He gets invisible wings--actually I'm not sure whether the wings are invisible or nothing at all. Mixed angel has foot and human like body. Mostly he walks instead of flying, but he tells himself always: it's mind that divides a saint or a devil. Devil gets wings as well but they are black. It should be standing at the extreme point--absolute purity or chao--that could become a complete angel or devil. His choice is always ambigous, and that's the reason why he's a mixed. He tastes everyone's mood but never involved by himself. There's only dust on foot and the mind is still empty--a shinning mirror reflects everything projected to it. It recieves but never accepts.

Carring with modernity and post-modernity, walking through a long passage of time, a vagrant passed up and down each changing space. No destination, he doesn't know his home and of course, there's nowhere for him to belong.

Yes thought I am eager to parcitipate in, I still missed this opportunity. Though I am always here, never disappear...sigh...always lack of motivation and a little bit action...courage and impluse....sigh....I am still who I am even though I am not sure whether I am wearing a mask--just like everyone does. Tout le monde est en train de participer au fete!!

Cites of several paragraphs!

(A) Cruelty and compassion come with the chromosomes;
All men are merciful and all are murderers.
Doting on dogs, they build their Dachaus;
Fire whole cities and fondle the orphans;
Are loud against lynching, but all for Oakridge;
Full of future philanthropy, but today are NKVD.
Whom shall we persecute, for whom feel pity?
It is all a matter of the moment's mores,
Of words on wood pulp, of radios roaring,
Of communist kindergartens and first communions.
Only in the knowledge of his own Essence
Has any man ceased to be many monkeys.

(Huxley, 1984, p. 75)

(B) Science Explores, Techonology Executes, Mankind Conforms
--motto of the 1933 World's Fair

(C) Administrative evil is not easily identified as such because its appearance is masked; moreover, in our ordinary roles with our taken for granted assumptions about the modern world, we wear the mask.

(Adams, G. B. & Balfour, D. L., 1998 xxiii)


(D) "Relations between the sexes are a primary aspect of social organization"; that individuals' sense of themselves as men or women are "in large part culturally determined" rather than biological or an outgrowth of individual personality; and that differences between the sexes display and reinforce a hierarchical organization that privileges masculinity.

(Joan Wallach Scott, P.8 BM/SW)


(E) "Emergent rulers have legitimized domination, strength, central authority, and ruling power as masculine (enemies, outsiders, subversives, weakness as feminine) and made that code literal in laws (forbidding women's political participation, outlawing abortion, prohibiting wage-earning by mothers, imposing female dress codes) that put women in their place. " Gender shapes the dynamics of public life just as it does in private.

(P.8 BM/SW)